


Poop Talk

by aritomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bathroom encounters, Canon verse, M/M, Poop talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8830924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aritomi/pseuds/aritomi
Summary: By now, he is supposed to be giving pep talk to his teammates, not having a poop talk with a stranger.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a video I watched on Facebook. I can't link it right now. I'm actually at work! :D

Thirty minutes before their first match in the Nationals, Kuroo finds himself sitting on the toilet bowl.

He’s supposed to be there at the court doing warmups. He’s supposed to be there, giving a long, inspiring speech to his teammates, no matter how much they hated it when he does. But this would be their first Nationals match in years; he knew all of them were anxious… Except Kenma, of course.

And his stomach just had to choose the perfect timing to have the need to eject what he had consumed this lunch.

Fortunately, there’s no one else in the restroom when he entered. 

But he takes his statement back after hearing a jolly tune that plays whenever he opens his favorite game.

“Shit.” He hears the person from the cubicle next to his curse under his breath. Then, the music goes silent.

Kuroo almost chuckles; he knew the struggles of forgetting to mute the sounds of that adorable game.

“Hey.” He calls the other man, but receives no response. They’re in a restroom and their cubicles are next to each other’s; he’s sure he was heard.

“Hey.” Again, he called. And this time, he lightly knocks on the wall separating them.

He hears the other man yelp. “S-Sorry. Were you talking to me?”

Kuroo then realizes how rude he was. Who in the right mind would talk to the person sitting on the next cubicle? He couldn’t help it, though. He just had to talk to this guy.

“I’m sorry. I just heard the, uh…”

A quite dramatic gasp fills the silence. Then again, he would have reacted the same way had someone told him that. Still, this guy is funny!

“I-It was, um…”

“You play Neko Atsume?”

“Um…”

The guy sounds nervous and hesitant, so he quickly does a follow-up. “Cool! I play that, too!”

He doesn’t get a response for a few seconds, until he hears the guy shifting. “Really?” It sounds hopeful and surprised, much to Kuroo’s amusement.

“Of course. I’ve already completed them.” Speaking of which, he brings out his phone and opens the application. He had forgotten to refill the bowls.

The other guy groans. “Lucky! I still can’t catch Sapphire and Bengal!”

“Seriously? Sapphire’s just on the Tower of Treats.” Kuroo remarks as he takes a shot of Sapphire and Jeeves standing in front of the Tower of Treats.

“Yeah, but I’m on the modern theme right now so the tower doesn’t look good on it.”

“Why don’t you change themes, then?”

“But I just changed it!” The guy whines.

Kuroo chuckles; this guy is cute and amusing.

“Hey, I just have to ask this… Are you playing in one of the teams here?” He rarely meets a guy who plays that game. Neko Atsume is not exactly the _manliest_ game.

The other guy sighs. “Unfortunately, no.”

“Oh. Are you supporting your prefecture’s rep?” Somehow, the fact that this Neko Atsume guy isn't playing in the Nationals is relieving.

“Never!”

He looks at the wall on his right, the direction where the guy’s supposed to be at. “Why are you here, then?”

“I’m just curious about what kind of teams made it this time,” the guy replies. “From what team are you?”

Kuroo closes the app and locks his phone. “Nekoma.”

“Oh! I know you guys! What’s your position?”

He smirks proudly, as if the other guy can see him. “Middle blocker.”

To Kuroo’s surprise, another dramatic gasp, a heavier one, is heard. “Holy sh—Don't tell me you're Kuroo Tetsurou!”

Wow, is he that famous? There are other middle blockers in their team. He could have pretended to be Inuoka, but his mouth disobeys him and chooses to be honest and nice for once. “I am, though.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“Thanks?” He offers. He noticed something off about the other guy’s tone. Is he supposed to be offended?

More importantly, he is supposed to be giving a pep talk to his teammates by now, not having a poop talk with this stranger.

Suddenly, they fall into deep silence for a moment. They already got off the Neko Atsume and volleyball team topics, so Kuroo has no idea what to talk about, especially since he doesn’t know who the guy is.

He straightens up. He could ask for the guy’s name!

However, before he could do that, a light and short _‘POOT’_ reverberates in the four corners of the restroom.

“Oh god I’m so sorry about that!” the guy squeaks. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t stink!” Kuroo tries to stifle his laughter on the back of his hand. “D-Don’t laugh!”

“No worries. It’s cute, your fart.” He does a bad job in hiding the amusement in his tone, though.

“Wha—IT’S NOT CUTE!” The guy splutters. And this time, Kuroo doesn’t bother holding back his laughter. This guy’s reactions are so predictable, yet he finds it adorable.

“But it sounds cute and it doesn’t _smell._ ”

“Well, you aren’t smelling anything foul aside from your ass, right? Stop laughing at me!” Kuroo's sure the guy's face is red now and his ears are blowing off steam.

He allows his laughter to subside first before replying, “I was just kidding.” Kuroo lets out an amused sound listening to the guy whimper like a puppy. “Where are you from?” He decides to change the topic so this guy would stop sulking.

The guy pauses for a while, probably thinking if he should answer this rude bastard’s question. He answers it, anyway. “Miyagi.”

He then remembers Karasuno will also have their first match today. Too bad he can’t watch it since they will be playing at the same time. Yaku will kick his ass if he gets distracted for a second.

“What’s your name?” He can’t call him Miyagi-guy-with-a-cute-fart forever, can he?

“Oikawa.”

Something clicks in his brain in recognition. “Ah, the Grand King.”

Oikawa seems to have choked on his spit. “Who told you that?!”

 _Ohoho._ The Grand King doesn’t like to be called that way, huh. “Some tiny orange birdie.”

Oikawa mumbles something along the lines of _‘I’m gonna get Chibi-chan and Tobio-chan next time!'_

“So, how’s your poop going?” He asks, feeling his stomach churn in turn. What did he eat again?

Oikawa coughs. “W-What?”

“How’s your poop going?” Kuroo repeats, earning a scandalized gasp from the famous setter. It’s not the most appropriate question, but he doesn’t want to talk about mutual rivals while they’re in a restroom. It was the best he could think of given the situation.

Oikawa clears his throat, most probably coming to the same conclusion. “I-It’s, um… Going great, I guess.”

“Oh yeah? How great?”

“It’s solid.”

“Good for you. Mine’s kinda soft. I forgot what I ate.”

The conversation is awkward, but Oikawa is riding along so he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. “Don’t you have a match later?”

Which reminds him. He should be going back. He hasn’t done any warm-ups yet. “Yeah. In, like, twenty minutes.”

As he is pulling out the tissue sheets, he sees a phone appear under the cubicle wall between them.

“You haven’t used your hands yet, right?” Oikawa asks.

Kuroo smirks and shakes his head in amusement. “Fortunately.” He bends down to pick the phone from Oikawa’s fingers, feeling a surge of electricity when his fingers accidentally brush Oikawa’s. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

The phone’s already unlocked, so he easily typed in his number before handing the phone back to its owner.

________________

 

“What took you so long?!” Yaku yells at Kuroo as he runs back to him and Kenma. The others are practicing receives on the court.

“Kuro, did something weird happen?” Kenma asks right away before he could give Yaku a wonderful and meaningful answer. The blond didn't even take his eyes off Karasuno's area.

“What do you mean?” He grins at the setter.

Finally, Kenma turns to him with his eyes narrowed. “There. You’re having that creepy smile on your face. It’s suspicious.”

Kuroo puts a hand on his chest, unable to put up a fake hurt expression. “You wound me, Kenma. I’m just excited! This is our first match and we should—”

“I’m not listening to this.” Yaku groans and runs back to the court to kick Lev’s bottom for his wrong posture. Kenma sighs and follows after Yaku, having the same sentiment.

Kuroo, used to this kind of treatment from his teammates, only chuckles and goes to sit on the bench. Kenma was probably right; he could feel his cheeks hurting from smiling too much because of a certain person with a cute fart. He must look like an idiot.

Then, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Knowing who it is, he fishes his phone out and excitedly checks the newest message.

 

_From: Unknown_

_Kuroo-chan! It’s Oikawa! Good luck on ur game! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ_

 

As he is typing a reply, he lets the grin on his face go wider, liking the warm feeling enveloping his chest at the thought of Oikawa.

Perhaps, he was better at poop talks than pep talks.

**Author's Note:**

> I can totally imagine Kuroo playing Neko Atsume! :D
> 
> BTW, this was my first BL fic in a looooong time, so, um... constructive comments are certainly welcome!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> P.S. I have a tumblr too and I need someone to fangirl over OiKuro with! My friends are in another ship, it's so sad TT_TT


End file.
